How many times in the last two weeks have you suppressed your feelings? Be honest with yourself…
Most of us do it every day, because otherwise how would you ever walk down the street without berating that random stranger with the stupid shoes? Or telling that woman her handbag is hideous, AND it doesn’t EVEN go with her outfit? At home, no misdemeanour by family members would EVER go unmentioned. At work, the person no-one really likes would KNOW they weren’t just being paranoid… Can you imagine how awful life would be if we didn’t self-censor on a moment by moment basis?!
We’re (quite rightly) conditioned not to point and laugh, not to say anything at all if we can’t say anything nice, and to mind our own business from an early age. It makes sense, because we all want to live in as much harmony as we possibly can.
But what about when we suppress our own emotions when someone has genuinely hurt us? Whether that pain is physical or emotional, not dealing with the issue at the time can have far reaching consequences for your spiritual health, and can affect your behaviour patterns far into the future.
I carried a lot of baggage, in the form of unpleasant memories, from my childhood around for many years. Sometimes I would think about what it looked like, and see it as a stack of tightly closed boxes in the corner of a dark cellar. Sadly, that toxic energy affected my day to day life. It sat in my energy field and acted as a sort of anti-filter. My perceptions of everything were affected by the shadow of the memories of a terrified 8 year old. It took me many years of actively trying to heal from those memories before I was able to truly understand that letting go of the emotion attached to those events was NOT the same as forgetting they ever happened.
Part of the work I do now is to help people let go of old emotions that might be affecting their view of the world, so they can experience life with renewed clarity and joy. I also help them understand that everything that happens, and I do mean everything, including the things that happen which we DON’T like, carries a valuable lesson for us. It’s my intention that one of the many beneficial side effects of this work is that they will notice at once when their own boundaries are being trampled on – by others, or even themselves, because self-respect is a major issue for those of us who’ve suppressed our feelings for a long time.
I am a massive advocate for allowing yourself to feel your feelings as fully as possible, as quickly as you can allow (as a suppressor of feelings, you’re very likely to want to save it for later!). Cry, shout, scream into a pillow, go for a run – whatever works for you to release that emotion, so you can then think and talk about it in a balanced way, and establish a boundary for the future.
I’ve recently been through a stressful family issue which, because I didn’t know how to deal with what was a completely new situation, caused me to completely lose my mojo for a couple of weeks. In the end, I took to my bed in an effort to find the underlying cause of my bewilderment, and sure enough, it was a boundary issue! I had to decide what my boundaries were and then communicate them. It wasn’t comfortable, but harmony has now been restored, because “everyone” now knows what is acceptable in this situation, so there will be no more walking on eggshells going forward. When I tried to address the situation without really knowing what the problem was, or understanding why I was feeling the way I was, it was a mess…
We can’t always retire to bed whenever we have a problem, but honestly this wasn’t a small thing and it wasn’t only affecting me. The whole situation bought my inner mama-bear out of her cave, because “someone” had to take charge and help everyone find their way back to inner peace!
The lesson was simply this – when something or someone makes YOU feel bad, take the time to feel into why it’s affected you that way and do what you can to address it. It doesn’t do anyone any good to let past negativity affect their present, but it IS always helpful to use the lessons of the past to help you move forward.
If you need help to move forward in life, free from past pain, I can help you with that. Have a look at “The Healing Room” in the tabs at the top of the page to see how.
With much love,